The Cross You Bear

I sat in my kitchen this morning watching the rain pour down the windows, and the more it rained, the more I thought about my homeless friends. "What are they doing on a day like today?" "Do they have to live in wet clothes until it finally stops raining?" "How unfair." "Why them?" Thoughts swirled through my mind, but I didn't want to think of them suffering while I sat in a warm, dry house. I picked up a book, and no sooner had I started reading it than I came across this "Don't be afraid. There must be a cross, there must be suffering, a clear sign that Jesus has drawn you so close to his heart that he can share his suffering with you. Without God, we can only spread pain and suffering around us." - St. Teresa of Calcutta

As I read that over and over, I thought of the world. How often do we look, but do not see? How often do we listen but do not hear? If only we would look upon each other with love and see beyond the surface. If only we could see the crosses each other bears. You see, every single one of us has a cross which we bear. Some bear it silently, while others share theirs. Some crosses are huge and heavy, while others are much smaller, and light, but regardless we all bear a cross.

The more I thought about that the more I realized that through these crosses and the hard times or sufferings we face in life, we encounter Christ in the most intimate and beautiful way. When we suffer or go through hard times is when we seem to hit our knees. When the cross becomes too heavy, we cry out, desperate for help, whether human or divine. But how much easier and more fulfilling would life be if we asked Christ to walk with us every step of the way instead of just when the cross got heavy? How much easier and lighter would our crosses be if we called for the divine help no man can provide, and realized that through our suffering was glory! Because through that suffering, you spent a few minutes of intimate time in prayer, or in thought about Christ; Time you otherwise wouldn't have spent.

That led me to my next thought. The faithfulness of the poor. My homeless friends are poor in earthly belongings only. I thought of the faith they shared proudly, and their desire to grow in Christ. Certainly, they have large crosses to bear, more so than most of us can imagine, but those are the people who call on God! I thought back to all the times they wanted to pray together, to all the times they asked for prayer, and most especially, to all the times they reminded me of how good God is. They are not afraid to cry out asking him to help bear their burdens.

Why are we afraid to ask for help? Are we too proud? Are we worried he will say no? Do we even want the help? Well, let me tell you what, our God is great!! He will never leave you alone to carry your own cross. In fact, he will carry you when the cross gets too heavy.

I guess my point is this: So often we spend time self-pitying, worrying, and feeling weighed down by the cross. Not seeing other people's crosses, and honestly not caring about them. Who among us doesn't feel those things? However, instead of letting the weight of the cross to crush us, we have to turn to the one who carried the ultimate cross. We have to invite and allow Christ to help us carry our cross. It's scary, and it's hard, because we like to be in control and we don't want to bruise our pride, but in these times, we have to let go, and let God. It is in these times when you can feel the love and mercy of Christ in it's simplest form. Besides, he carried the cross of salvation, who better to help you carry yours?

I've been searching for you...

Hi again, I wanted to share a quick story with you.

Today as the lunch line began, I found my old friend, Benjamin, coming out of the line. (He's featured in an earlier post if you're curious). His eyes were cast down, and he was walking slowly. I called out to him, and he lifted his head. As our eyes met, a smile streched across his face, and he excitedly walked over to me. "Oh my friend, I haven't seen you in weeks, and I've been searching for you." I assured him that while I could not be there every day, I was always there in spirit, and he was in my prayers everyday. He smiled his goofy grin with a mouthful of food, and nodded "That is very good." He said.

My heart overflowed, but then it got me thinking. How often in life are we the Benjamin's? I don't know how often I find myself asking God "Where have you been? I haven't seen you in weeks, I've been searching for you." Whether we realize it or not, we as humans search for positivity, for happiness, and ultimately for Christ. So often we spend our whole life searching, that we forget to lift our eyes up from the ground, and if only we did we would see the beauty that lays in front of us. Just like Benjamin is always in my prayers, so too is God always in our midst. So next time we find ourselves searching, let's lift our heads and our hearts, and open our ears. Maybe that will be the time we hear God saying "Oh my friend, I've been searching for you, where have you been?" Maybe the one time we lift our eyes, we will see the angels among us.

Praying with the faithful

Hello, I hope this finds you doing well. Life sure does get busy quick, and makes it hard to find time to serve and to write, but I am so excited to be able to sit down and share my heart with you today!

For the past few weeks, I haven't been able to find time to see my homeless friends. I found myself thinking of them often, but also found myself in a bit of a funk. I felt more negative than usual, and disconnected from God. This weekend, I decided I needed to make it happen, and I was going to find time to go see them one way or another.

Since I couldn't make it Saturday, I decided I would go today. I haven't been to Loaves and Fishes on a Sunday before, but I'd heard they had mass, so I went to check it out. As soon as I walked in I got emotional. They had transformed what was normally a small dining hall into seating for about 50. The hall was bustling with boy scouts, and other groups that had come to join the mass, and volunteer at lunch after. Looking out the window, was a line quickly forming of mostly men, and a few women, eagerly waiting to get in. Some were dirty, most came already sweaty from the heat outside, they all had the few things they owned with them, but they all came with the biggest of smiles.

As they began to enter THEY greeted us!! They came in and shared hugs, and handshakes as they filled the seats one by one. A few minutes later, Catholic mass began. Have you ever been to a church where it felt like everyone was trying to be perfect, and judging you on your every move? Yeah, me too. Well this my friends, couldn't have been more different. Everyone in there was so genuienly happy to see each other, and so welcoming. Throughout the mass you would hear "Amens" and "Praise God" as different parts of the mass spoke to the people. I have been in many Catholic churches were I felt the presence of the Holy Spirit, but I have been to very few where I felt it as strong as I did today. During the sign of peace, the homeless walked all over the hall greeting their friends excitedly. Yall, I am telling you, if more people were excited to be at church on Sunday's like some of these people were, the world would be a very different place.

By the end of mass, I'm pretty sure I had gone through an entire pack of kleenex, because the emotion and joy of witnessing Christ at work in these people's hearts was overwhelming! Next up was lunch time.

As soon as the mass ended lunch began to be served. I headed out to my favorite place outside and waited for them to come. Within minutes, the familiar faces began to pour onto the patio. Once again,  I got emotional as the hugs started. You never realize how much you mean to these people until you don't go everyday, but more importantly, I never realized just how much they meant to me. It took me a minute to realize my heart had been aching for the past several weeks to see these people; to see my friends.


I was reminded throughout lunch of the great glory of our God. These people, who literally have nothing were quick to offer me their water, their dessert, or their seat. It made me wonder, could I share like that if I were in their shoes? Do I share like that now, having more than enough? Then I realized, once again, that was the beauty of God working through these faithful people.

We shared the beauty of the mass, a meal, many laughs & countless hugs. My heart is so full today, and I am reminded that indeed, there is always angels among us.

All he had to give

Today I met a man who quite literally tried to give all he had. As he sat down from lunch, I walked over him to sit by him. We introduced ourselves and started talking. The conversation naturally turned to the small, almost empty little pepper grinder he had on the table. "You came prepared with food seasonings today I see." I said. He proudly picked it up and showed it to me, " You see it says mixed peppercorns?" He asked excitedly. " I do see that, and it looks delicious!" I replied. Without thought he stood up, I asked him where he was going, well to get you a plate so you can try some of my peppercorn on the food!" He said, as if I should have already expected that. After kindly declining a lunch plate, he then tried to open his peppercorn jar to share a few with me, and "Maybe I could try them on my supper later." Once again, I insisted he keep it, and save it for himself. As the conversation switched from the pepper grinder and continued I noticed he kept looking at his dessert. Today, he happened to be served two small donuts. Again, without second thought, he wrapped a donut in a napkin and handed to me, "Keep this." He said. I tried to decline, and insist he keep his food, since that was probably the only meal he ate today, but he insisted. So, I took the donut, which at this point the icing had melted off of in the napkin. As I hugged him and got up to leave, He stopped me, this time, pepper grinder in hand again. "Would you like to take this?" He asked. My eyes filled with tears. I promised him I'd see him soon, and I would try it then, but I wouldn't take it. He smiled a big grin, and said that would do. Then he picked up his belongings, which was all of one shirt, a blanket, and that pepper grinder and walked off.

I know it seems like a silly story, but this man literally wanted to give me one of the few things he owned. He didn't have to think about it, he just wanted to give to make those around him happy. How often do we do that? I know I don't do it near enough. It's so easy to find ourselves selfishly holding onto things, or keeping more than we need, and finding ways to rationalize it. Yet here was a man with nothing, who wanted to give everything. It reminded me of the love and mercy that is poured out on us daily from God. He wants to give us everything, yet so often we are caught up in our own selfishness, and hanging onto things of no value, we can't let go to find the things that are of value. How much happier would we be if we gave instead of received? How much better of a place would this world be if we all gave all we had, and I don't mean money. I mean love, time & prayers. I mean the old clothes and toys just cluttering up your house. Maybe then we could work hand in hand with the angels among us. Maybe then someone else would see the angels among us through YOU.

It's not always easy

Hello, thanks for coming back to read. I want to be the first to tell you: In life, doing good isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it. Today was my first day back at Loaves and Fishes in almost two weeks, just due to work. As I parked and looked out to the line of people, something in me felt different.

See, the thing is, I didn't really want to go serve today. I wanted to stay home and finish the 97 other things on my to-do list. However, I had this feeling of guilt lingering in me, and I could hear God telling me "Go do this for me, and you will still get everything you need done. Trust in me." Begrudgingly, I thought, "Ughhh God, the beginning of the year is so stressful for teachers, and I really need to get things done, but I guess I'll go." So I went, heart-in-the-wrong-place and all.

I got there with my usual bag of lollipops to share something sweet with my friends. Instantly, I was greeted by hellos, high fives, hugs and "I'm happy to see you's". I was happy to be there, but my heart still wasn't in the right place. As I handed out candy, surrounded by mostly happy and thankful people, all I could focus on was the guy who just took two lollipops and didn't say thank you. "Seriously, what a jerk." I thought to myself.

As I walked through the door and got ready to serve, I stopped by to visit one of my favorites there, however, today just happened to be the day he wasn't in the mood to visit. WOW. I thought. I literally came here for nothing. At this point, I was really irritated. I felt like there were so many other places I could be. Right about that time, an older gentleman who I usually visit with came up to me. "Man I'm so glad you're back." he said as he laughed, "We some bad dudes and some sinners but you always be reminding us God watching over us." I started to smile. Somehow, like God always seems to do, he gave me a perfect teaching moment and a reminder of why I continue to go and serve.

The word sinners stuck out to me. I'm a sinner just like them, heck, we all are. Yet somehow, God calls us to serve others in a capacity far beyond what we will ever be able to understand. US!! ME and YOU!! Sinners, who are no better than the next guy, are asked to be like Christ to others. That's pretty amazing if you ask me.

Anyways, that one conversation changed my outlook on the rest of my visit. Instead, I thought of it as a privilege to be there. I reminded myself that I wasn't doing it for me, I was doing it for God. I was there to remind these people of the great mercy and beauty of God, and on the flip side, he used them to allow me to see his love.

I guess the point of today's story is to remind YOU. We're not perfect. We don't always have good intentions. Just because you see this blog and these pictures doesn't make me or you or anyone any  more or any less of a Christian. In fact, I'm not afraid to admit, I MESS UP... A LOT. But folks, we have a merciful God!!! In the times you feel doubtful, or feel like you don't have the time, go and do whatever God is pushing you to do. He will always provide! In the times you feel angry at the world, or at some, show them love! Trust in God to push you through it. In the times you feel lost, and like you have nowhere to turn, like God isn't listening, TURN TO HIM. See, it's in the times we don't want him, or "don't need him", that we actually need him most. Who knows, maybe that will be the time he will reveal his great mercy to you. Maybe that will be the time you feel his comfort. Maybe that will be the time he allows YOU to be like him to others. Maybe that will be the time you see angels among us.


Here are some pictures from today just to remind you and to remind me of the joy an hours worth of time, and some basic necessities brings to these people :)

The Need Is Great, But These Are The Faces of Hope!

Keeping up with a blog is a little more time consuming than I anticipated, but I promised these people I would share their stories, so that others may pray and hope for them too!

This is Deborah. She is the kindest, and funniest woman I have met there! She works at the kitchen to help with her housing, and to give back to those who gave given to her. She is an incredible woman who work 2 jobs to keep herself on the right track. Deborah is the smiling face so many people look forward to seeing daily. She doesn't have much, but I can't count the number of times I've heard her say "Some day if I get money I am going to help him". She is always thinking of others, and has a deep desire to help them.

This is Louie Louie also works at the Kitchen, but was homeless himself for a quite a while. He has incredible story about how faith in God steered him away from drugs, and onto a good path. Louie has a laugh that is absolutely contagious. He is always laughing and joking with anyone he encounters. He is a hard worker, and everyone loves visiting with him! He is such a beautiful person who truly sees in the good in everything.

This is Marcello. Marcello is from New York, he came here on the promise of a job. Unfortuntately, the job fell through. Marcello is fortunate enough to have temporary housing in the area. He hopes to soon get back on his feet and continue his job as a baker. Marcello is absolutley brilliant!!

This beautiful lady is Mrs. Judy. She has the most welcoming personality. She is the first to greet any one with a great big hug! She has a special place in her heart for young girls struggling on the street. You will often find her sitting next to them listening to them, and giving them comfort. Mrs. Judy proudly wears the jewlery in the picture, which she says she purchased all for a dollar. It is such a treasurer to her, but she is the kind of person who would give it up in a heart beat if it meant she could help someone else. You can usually hear her telling people how good God is, and how blessed she feels. Seeing her is sure to put a smile on anyone's face.

 This is Will. I haven't gotten to know Will very well yet, but I am certain he is a beautiful soul!

Meet Cloud

"You know what, I wish all people did what you did."
"What did I do?"
"You looked us in the eyes, and treated us like real human beings."

This is Cloud, and these are the first words he said to me today. Isn't that crazy? We spend our days wishing for a new car, or a new job, or the latest iphone, and all these people wish for is to be treated like a human being. 

Cloud is a 39 year old man who struggles with drug addiction. As we shared a meal together, Cloud told me about how he got mixed up in drugs years ago. He had tears in his eyes as he began to tell me the life he'd lost over drugs. He lost 2 children, a loving girlfriend, his home, 2 jobs, vehicle, and friends. He fought back tears as he explained that all he wanted to do was to quit drugs. "The power of Satan is so strong, but I know the power of God is stronger. Please, Please pray for me." He said. "This is no one's fault but my own, so don't feel sorry for me, just pray for me." As he continued to talk, my heart broke for him. "You have no idea how hard it is to try and get off streets and off drugs, and feel like no one in the world cares for you." Wow, that one hit deep. Here was a 39 year old man who was on the verge of tears because he just wanted someone to acknowledge him, someone to care about him. As we finished visiting, I shared some words of encouragement, a hug, and promised him I would share his story, so others could pray for him too. Through more teary eyes, and the biggest smile, he managed to say Thank you.

It could be so easy for us to judge Cloud. So easy for us to say, "Well you did it to yourself," and you would be right to say he did it. Heck, Cloud himself admitted it. But see that's the thing, we could spend all day judging the homeless people and be left feeling angry and empty. Or, instead, next time we pass by them we could share a smile, say hello, or even just acknowledge them. Your smile alone may be enough to plant the seeds of hope for them, and who knows, maybe years down the road your smile is what a triggered a series of positive events in their lives. Saint Mother Theresa said it best, "We may not be able to do great things, but we can all do small things with great love." Besides,  you never know when you may be greeting an angel among us.